Too Pretty For Prison
by HazylShy
Summary: Sirius decides that he and James need to cause one last bout of trouble before the new baby arrives and it just might land them in Azkaban... "I'm too pretty for prison! D'you know what they do to guys like me in there?"


**This is so completely and entirely random and I wrote it in a day.**

**I was thinking about Sirius and James and how they're probably the type of friends who would go to jail for something totally ridiculous, and this just sort of happened. Like I said, I wrote it in a day, so if it's not very good, I apologize. I'm not gonna say exactly what they did; instead, I'm going to leave it up to you to imagine what kind of Tom foolery they got up to.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and the oddball mind that came up with it.**

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><p>"This is all your fault." James glared at his best friend sitting beside him. "You just <em>had<em> to cause trouble, didn't you?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Of course I did. I had to have one last run with my best friend before he became a father and was suddenly too busy to have fun."

"But _this_? Sirius, we got _arrested_!"

"... But it was fun, wasn't it?" Sirius grinned.

The two of them had been sitting in a cold cell in the Ministry of Magic with hands cuffed in front of them for nearly three hours now. Sirius's genius plan to have a last bit of fun before baby Harry was born had possibly landed them a spot in Azkaban. Let's just say it involved a piñata, a donkey, a time turner, an invisibility cloak and a lot of terrified Muggles.

"What was the piñata for, anyways?" James asked, irritated.

"Entertainment purposes," Sirius replied simply.

James growled and pulled at his hair. "I can't go to prison, Padfoot! I'm about to be a father! Imagine what will happen to Harry when he grows up! He'll get made fun of. He'll walk down the street and people will point and laugh and say, 'look! There goes that Potter kid, whose dad is in Azkaban! Ha ha ha! Let's all make fun of him 'cause his dad is Jailbird James!'"

"Such a drama queen, James."

"And I'm too pretty for prison! D'you know what they do to guys like me in there? It's not gonna be fun, Padfoot!"

"Oh, I'm sure it'll be plenty of fun," Sirius snickered.

"NOT FOR ME, PADFOOT! NOT FOR ME! I'll be taking an innocent shower one moment, and the next... I'm gonna get violated by a guy named Molly..."

Sirius sighed deeply. "Stop worrying about it. If anyone tries to violate you, I'll fight them off and make a point that you've been claimed."

"By whom?" James asked, knowing the answer and not finding it funny at all.

"By me, of course."

"No way in hell, Padfoot."

Sirius laughed aloud at his joke, and for a while, the two fell silent. James would hate to hear Lily right now. She would be so upset if she knew. Probably try to murder him; chase him around, waddling after him with her pregnant belly.

"I swear, Sirius, if we go to Azkaban, I'll kill you."

Sirius shook his head, chuckling. "No you won't, Prongs."

"Feh! Why not? It won't matter, will it? I'll already be in _prison_!"

"Black! Potter!" A gruff voice called from outside the cell. A large man glared at him as he unlocked the cell. "You've been bailed out."

James' eyes widened. "Bailed out?... We're not going to Azkaban?"

"For frightening Muggles? Why waste space? You'll still have a hearing, however. The lady's got your court papers."

Both the young men paled. "L-lady?" Sirius asked. As he spoke, a young woman stepped around the corner and stood in the door of the cell. Her belly was swollen and her crossed arms rested gently atop it as she glared at the men; specifically James.

"A donkey, James? Really?" she sneered.

"Lily!" James hurled himself at her immediately. He tried to wrap his arms around her, but his arms were restrained by the handcuffs, and he settled for looping them over her head and pulling her close. "Oh, my darling Lily! How was your day, Love? Do anything interesting?"

"Well, I cleaned most of the house, did laundry, made a lovely dinner, and then heard that I needed to come and get my husband and his idiot friend out of the Ministry." She narrowed her eyes at James. "You are in a lot of trouble, Mr. Potter.

Sirius stood and sauntered over to the couple. "Come now, Lily; don't be upset. It was just a bit of fun."

"IT WAS ALL HIS IDEA!" James cried, raising his arms from his wife and pointing at his best friend. "He made me do it! I didn't want to, because I knew we'd get in trouble! Padfoot set the whole thing up! Yell at him! Ground him! Make him go to bed without dessert!"

"Oi!" Sirius cried. "Whatever happened to 'Bros before H-'?"

"You really wanna finish that, Padfoot?" Lily growled. Sirius snapped his mouth shut and gulped. Lily turned to the large man behind her. "Uncuff them, please, Mordecai?"

The man did as she asked and stepped aside. "Come now. I've made a perfectly good dinner, and I won't have it wasted. And I'll have you know," she continued as she walked ahead of them. "That neither of you will be having desert, and I'll be eating my delicious German Chocolate cake _alone_."

The men groaned and followed her out.

"Look what you've done, Padfoot! The only reason she's not laying it on me now is because you're here. Once you've gone, I'll never hear the end of it!"

"Can't say it wasn't worth it, though, can you, mate?" Sirius grinned. "That piñata did come with free candy."

"... Too true. And we didn't go to Azkaban."

"Exactly. So, for now, at least, your ass is safe, so to speak."

"Padfoot?"

"Yeah, Prongs?"

"I'm still going to kill you."

"I expected as much."

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><p><strong>Reviews are love. If you choose to review (which I hope you will), I'd love to hear what you guys think they did with the piñata, donkey, time turner and invisibility cloak. I'm just curious as to what went through your minds. :)<strong>

**~Alpha~**


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